Turning the corner?

I made it. I did it. And I actually really enjoyed (most of) my day.

The weather was downright perfect for a road trip - no humidity at all, very clear (great scenic vistas on the way up and back), blue skies with a few puffy postcard clouds and sun, sun, sun. Nancy and I had lunch and then I went over to her store with her and found a lot of great stuff that fit, was cute and wasn't pricey. I put an armload of items on layaway - haven't done that in years.

Then I went to the Railroaders Memorial Museum, but the memorial hall was closed. The girl at the museum desk said that they were renovating the hall (it did need that) and are planning to restore a roundhouse as part of the museum grounds. I looked at the map plan that was on display and it will be pretty darn impressive if they can raise the funds to get it rebuilt.

So, since I couldn't see Leo's plaque, I decided to go to the Horseshoe Curve. Another of my typical August 11th activities, though I don't do that every year (for example, last year I was experiencing a taste bud orgasm from the Bacon Dark Chocolate Cheesecake at Herwig's Austrian Bistro in State College).

Anyway, I got to the Curve, rode the funicular up the steep hill to the viewing area, and read the plaques while I waited for some trains to come. A pair of helpers went up the mountain...no tears. A truck train went up the mountain...still no tears. Another pair of helpers went up the mountain and I STILL didn't lose it. This is progress, people. (I was expecting the coal train to come down after those four helpers went up, but it didn't while I was there. I saw it heading eastbound through Lilly and Cresson later.)

Then I drove up to the cemetery in Lilly and for the first time in eleven years, I did not cry. I got choked up when the trains went by, but I did not cry. I left a dozen red roses on the headstone and headed west so that I could stop to pick up groceries for my mom before I went to her apartment. Visiting the Midgester is an endurance test.

On the drive home from there, I tempted fate by playing some songs that are usually guaranteed to make me cry. Only one almost managed to do it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8295rOMvtQI&feature=feedf

But this one, which usually does, did not: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fgT9zGkiLig&feature=feedf

However.

Now that I am home, THIS is the one to close out the day.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uNsmF9JTpuI

October skies will be here again soon...my favorite time of year.

11 on the 11th in 2011

Today is the 11th anniversary of Leo's death. He died at age 49 on my dad's 90th birthday. Dad passed away three weeks later, in the early morning on Labor Day.

It still hurts, but most of the time now it's OK. Now, more often than not, I remain dry-eyed when the Norfolk Southern freight trains go by. I still can't hear some songs without crying, and today will be still be difficult - although I'll be busy enough at work that I'll be able to get through that all right. For catharsis tonight, I will take out the packet of greeting cards from Leo that I saved over the short ten years that we were together, and read them all, and have a really good cry.

Tomorrow is my day off, so I'm heading to Altoona to have lunch with Nancy before she goes to work; I'll stop by the Railroaders Memorial Hall to see the little name plaque that I bought for him, and then go to the cemetery in Lilly and spend some time. The weather is supposed to be gorgeous, which actually makes things harder...it makes me think of the days when we would drop the chores and go spend some time exploring the back roads on the Yamaha or the Harley.

I don't compare other men I meet to Leo, because for me he was unique. We were so well matched for each other, and I'm not expecting to meet anyone quite like that again...but damn it, I'd really like to meet someone compatible for the long haul. I have a hell of a lot to bring to the table.

Sigh.

End of pity post. Onward and upward.